Left: “I like the one where I’m giving the double salute. That’s my essay to the world. I think it says it all. This group right here, we’re all there for the Double Down [New York] anniversary. But on the fifth day, Monday, the tradition is we have a day where we wander around Chinatown to Joe’s Shanghai, drink and wander our way over the hours to Arturo’s on Houston. This is at the end of that day. This is at Arturo’s, at the bar waiting for our table.” –P Moss, proprietor, Double Down Saloon and Frankie’s Tiki Room

Right: "I wanted to get a Chinese haircut, so I tried to tell this guy, ‘Cut my hair like yours!’ but he didn’t speak any English. I kept trying to explain to him, ‘No, I want it like you! Like you!’ By the time we got out of there, it didn’t really look like his. That’s why I look confused. ’Cause I’m trying to explain to somebody who doesn’t speak English how I want my hair cut. It was only $6! I tried to get him to put some gel in afterwards. He didn’t know what the fuck I was talking about, but he gave me a glob of stuff that wasn’t really gel. It was maybe, like, Chinese bean curd.” –Louie Thomas, “safecracker and all-around ridiculous human being”