A bit later, he and I talked about his school for 20 minutes, and while I've lost that interview tape, if memory serves he used the phrase "the human spirit" 214 times and meant every one. See, earnest.
Of course, the other time I saw him was at a Wienerschnitzel, so he is clearly more complicated than my possibly reductive theory allows.
In fact, it occurs to me now that in my rush to savor the full ironic flavor of that Janet Jackson moment, I might've missed, you know, a moderately significant detail or two: Wasn't the nurse saying something about free medical aid to the poor mothers ... ? And didn't this take place in a forward-thinking school that makes unusual demands of parents (read to your child; volunteer at the school) and teachers (be accountable), enforcing the educational values we often talk about but don't often practice ...? The sole Vegas school judged exemplary by the feds last year ...? A school that Agassi's foundation funds to the national per-pupil average, but no more, as a challenge to Nevada: Maybe you can throw money at a problem if your aim is good ...? And didn't I immediately urge a teacher I know to apply at the school without delay ...?
Okay, so maybe it's not that Agassi doesn't appreciate irony, but simply that he keeps his eye on the ball. I mean, it's possible.
Of course, this very slight revision in my thesis does not detract from my expertise on the subject of Andre Agassi. Really. Ask me anything.
Scott Dickensheets is coeditor of the Weekly.