In my dream, I’m living in an unfamiliar city and am trying to find my mom who has gone job hunting. In real life she has Dementia. I finally find her and take her home. My mom turns into a little girl. I am holding her as we go down a slide that has waves and bumps. As we slide down the little girl looks at me and says, “You were always nice to your mom.” In real life, my mom lived with my husband and I for two years and is now in a nursing home. I recently spoke of mom dying and I feel bad.
– Mary 56, Spokane, WA
Lauri: The setting is in an unfamiliar place because you ‘re dealing with unfamiliar territory in waking life. Having a parent with Dementia is unfamiliar to you. She is job-hunting because, deep down, you that she would rather have the job of caring for herself than burdening you with it. You go searching for her in your dream because, with her Dementia, you often wonder “where she is” in her mind. She probably seems more like a child than a mother lately. Her mind is “sliding” down. She probably has waves of clarity and bumps of crazy, huh? But through it all, your dreaming mind assures you that you have treated her well. So there is no need for guilt! Upon closer inspection, you’ll realize those feelings are more about your mom having relief upon her passing. If you wanted her to remain here, it might be a bit selfish.
Mary replies: This all makes so much sense to me now. I know my mom would not choose nor want the life she has and as much as I try and tell myself my feelings are understandable and ok, I’ve still felt guilty. I believe that your interpretation will help eliminate that guilt. Thank you.